20080108

Walk me through this one. Don't let me be alone ...

I was wondering the other day. There's so many folks. So many faces. I think I love faces. I just look around and I see a hundred different faces. And I love them all.
I want to know what they've had for lunch. What is the biggest thing going on in their lives right now. And I don't want them to see me. If I could only become invisible. Then I could see them all I like. And make no notes. I'd watch and forget. And watch again.
I hate strife. I swear I do. I let people jump me in the line. I let people beat me to the booth. I let people take my coffee from the counter. I let I am an idiot for that. I know. But I can't help it. I think this attitude is ruining my career. I can't help it. I know they wouldn't like it if someone did to them what they do to me. Or maybe they would. Sometimes I do try to protest. But it's more to see what they have to say than anything else. I hear people laughing. And I accept. And I let them.
I think a lot. I want to work. I want to work in the field. I swear. I have stamina. I can lift them stones to wherever the builder is taking them. I can chop wood. And till them fields. I want to. But with dignity. With seclusion. And I know I can't. Unless I beat them at their own game first. And I know I can't.
Sometimes I wish there was someone who'd sympathise. I yearn. I see people yearning. And yet, I know we yearn for different things. I see them find their desire. I see them betrayed. Again and again. I see them betraying. And I know we yearn for the same thing. I have good ears, if you want to talk. Ever.

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