I was on gtalk today, and in one of my emphatic moments of decisive randomness declared that pineapple juice makes you say whatever you want to say to strangers. From there, I went on to deduce that apple juice is better than pineapple juice, the reason being too obvious to state. But still, I will state it. Pine is useless. In curing inhibition, that is. Whatever. So yea. I was wondering. If Adam had juiced the apple and Eve and him had just sipped their glasses of cool apple juice. What then? Technically, he would've been safe. No getting kicked out of Eden drama, no leaves around the waist, no running from God like morons when you know he is omnipresent. But alas, Adam and Eve were primitive people. They didn't think of fishing out the loopholes in God's conditions and using them to float derivatives and contracts. They didn't care for all the benifits of a good healthy relationship with God their Creator based on clear cut bulleted rules. Eve was a spur of the moment woman and Adam was a dumbass. So of course it figures they ended up having two very stubborn children who kept fighting all the time. Oops. Getting wayward are we. Hm.
Oh damn. They didn't have juicers, did they?


How to identify the 'You Are Here' sign

Yea, so somebody wants to know where the 'You Are Here' sign is. Though I fall well short of the qualification demanded by the person, I can't help breaking into one of those Buddha sessions. Clear everyone, here it comes ...

First and foremost, you are already there. Isn't the 'You Are Here' sign supposed to be like a downward arrow blinking above your head?
Further information.
The roller coaster is to the right and the rest rooms are to the left. You will have to look around for the other rides because I am also kind of new and lost around here. But yea. The 'You Are Here' is pretty much everywhere you go.
Be sure to check out the House of Mirrors. Or maybe, by the sounds of you, that's where you are right now. Don't let them mirrors fool you! They're just for fun. You're not that fat. Or thin. Or ugly. Or whatever. If you walk a few extra meters north from there, the mint and chocolate-chip ice cream is whaaaaaa!!!
Be careful with your money though. The fun is a little overpriced at times. Unless, of course, you don't mind busking around like me.
And don't turn back! That's the exit.

PS: I know we've been wandering around for roughly the same time, and our tickets carry identical sets of directions on the flip side. So you know at least as much as me. But still. Sometimes we need stuff spelled out for us. Especially the blinking signs, right above our heads.


one centimeter away

Never look at a dog with sad eyes before eating your last piece of an overpriced plum cake.

Never let a cat near you while eating chicken biriyani. Even the bright eyed ones. They will not rest till you are only left with rice.

Never make plans for Sundays. They're the trickiest of the lot.

I said my first sorry to a non-living thing today. It was too sad. I was too happy. The equation too unbalanced. Unless I added some guilt to the left hand side.


The Northern Lights

Anyone here like the smell of capsules? Yea. The regular red and yellow and blue and what not coloured thingies with bitter powder inside them. Today lunchtime I realised I need to smell, and possibly eat a capsule. Hm. I wonder what it means. Do I actually like capsules or is it just another brain wave gone awry? Whatever. Everything we think is a brain wave gone awry. Otherwise they would only travel in straight lines out of our forheads. Pretty much like sunbeams, only not so bright or useful. So basically all our thoughts are aurora.
I received two lovely little cards today. One of them has the Revontulet on it. Beautiful.
Last night I slept well. Less, around 4 hours, but well. I even dreamt about something. I think.
I have re-fallen in love with Image Processing. And Counting Crows. But never watch their videos. Duritz is sad-eyed.
O yea. I finally bought them slippers. Bata. So I am a slipper-borrower no more. Yay!



Sometimes we are
Bah. What the ...
Sometimes I am scared. Of being happy. I have this feeling. That it is too good for me. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. But that's not the point.
What all this pushing and pulling ends up in is a huge huge wave that sweeps away whatever happiness there is. Even the tad bits which my super ultra pessimistic self would allow me. I keep throwing myself into an abyss. Till I realise that I have fallen way more than I have to. Till I have no way of crawling back up. I am tired. Of trying. Because I know no matter how much I try. In the end I will end up throwing myself back into misery. And believe me, it's not the life goes in cycles of happiness and sadness thing. I force sadness upon myself. It's like I am designed for it. Automated to seek out the smallest teeniest tiniest morsels of joy and to shred them. Stamp on them. Till blue mud oozes through them.
I don't wallow in the mud though. I don't. The only thing I do is to pick up a book or Jenny or whatever and be aware that there is a slight discomfort. But I never wallow. At times, I have tried the wallowing bit too. It sucks. It's like you are scratching a bad itch till you bleed. So you just go on with your day. Let the itch itch. No matter what happens. Don't scratch. Or you will end up writing blog entries at 0100.
Whatever. Yea. So I have borrowed a pair of slippers from this guy. I will buy my own. Someday eh. Nah. This weekend.
I miss plum cakes. Tiny overpriced plum cakes. I miss them at precisely 2300 every night. I also hate having coffee alone. Darn exams.
Wait. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Hm. Does a strong urge to eat mint chocolate chip icecream count as a happy thought? Can an urge even qualify as a thought? Whatever. That's the closest I can get to a happy thought right now. No. Wait.
Naah. That's about it.

PS: Blue mud. Adrian Mitchell, 'Leaflets'.


Poker face

I am tired. And I am not even finished yet. At this particular moment. A little lonesome. Lovesome. Etc.
Yea. So I made a decision yesterday. To try to take back control. Hard. Taxing. Tiring. And I don't even know why I am doing it. I think I want to stop thinking about whys. For a little while.
Still roaming around in my shoes.
Being haunted is bad. By lines. Faces. It's scary. I want out. Stop. Even colours. And leaves.
Sisters. Visitorless days. A heaviness of the heart. Of the soul. Sometimes. They say. When you cry much. And your eyes hurt. Because you're not letting them cry with the rest of you. The soul moans. It absorbs all the tears. And finally it cries. And gives birth. To another soul. Then it always rains. But stones are prisons. Trapping in themselves many souls. Till the rain wears them out. And the souls scatter away in ten different directions.
I wish. That I wouldn't wish. But I keep wishing.
Do you ever get that feeling. That it's no use. Do you?
Zinger burgers are not bad. But I always thought KFC fries the chicken a little too deep.
Slept two hours yesterday. That makes seven hours in the past three days.
I have realised. Sometimes. When you really feel it. You don't have to think about it. You don't even have to care. About the fretboard or the strings. You just keep feeling. And listening to your soul. Rain always helps. To keep time.
I want to sleep. I can't sleep. Closing my eyes is a poker draw. Sometimes it's a blank valium sea. With me floating around in the middle. Other times I find myself on a carousel. That keeps going round and round. Till I fall off. Still awake. And hurting. I was never good at poker. They say I can't keep a straight face. Of course, you do know poker is played with faces, don't you? I always lose.
Nah. I let you win. Just for the face of you.

PS: Sorry. I am thinking in short sentences again today.



You know what's happening. My whole routine's turning inside out. I was awake for almost an hour last night telling myself to shutdown before I turned on the table lamp and gave in to the joy of trying to figure out a tracing algorithm for my project. Fucking long sentence. Whatever. But the point is. I think I slept around five and I was up at eight thirty. Kind of creepy, because I am not sleepy right now.
I have been putting off the actual programming for like ages. I have thought up and rejected a million algorithms. Nothing seems to fit. I don't have the objectives clearly defined. And all my guide wants are results. Don't even know what she means there.
Watched the first season of Grey's Anatomy. Kinky show. Whatever. What else can I do. Coffee breaks mean at least an hour. The cafeteria is so damn far off. The lead walks kind of funny. Kind of like this girl in my school.
Yea so someone asked me why I have to publish my diary for public consumption. Well, I was thinking about it and I don't think this is my diary. I have written a diary, for a month. It's way more personal and true. This blog is a sort of mask I love putting on. Because I don't have the stamina to be true to myself for more than a month.
In a diary, it's just me. I can't lie. I can't pretend. Because the reader me knows the writer me. There's just facts with footnotes. Which sort of have needle heads and saw teeth. I am tired of cutting and sewing.
So. I write crap on the internet.
Not to mention the free connection. Thank you, ye faithful taxpayers of this lovely country. Just a couple of months. Then you can juice me for all my worth. And then some more.
Damn. I broke my sandals and my slippers. And all my clothes are dirty and I have like just one fucking jeans to spend the rest of the week in. I have the laundary neatly piled up. It's not like the room's dirty or something. It's just that I don't have enough inspiration. To do laundary!! Sick bastard.
Whatever. But the sandals breaking is like totally horribly bad. Because now I have no decent footwear. I have to wear 'shoes'.YUCK.



Man. Have had some crazy days working on the programme. Now all that remains is to programme the graphics. But something tells me its not going to be that easy.
It's been a horrible day today. I had an extra class at 1000. I forgot!! Just slept in. Realised at around 1200 that I had missed it completely. Gosh. Stupid stupid stupid me. Whatever. I needed the sleep too.
Yea. I've been wanting to do so many things lately. But no time. Yesterday I played after a long time. Cricket!! I suck now, at bowling. But yeaps. My batting's still solid enough. Basketball!! I was never very good, but I am glad to see that I have not gone down.