no classes these days what to do then, except write posts and complete my schoolwork the tension doesn't let me go out I'd love to go out been so long since I actually went out and met a normal human being, which, in my universe means some who doesn't mock or hurt or judge me yes, such individuals do exist, albeit in extremely small numbers and in extremely far away places where one dare not go unless one has a lot many hours (even days!) at hand when did time become so precious to me? I hate overpriced commodities people memories whatever but then, everyone must bow to demand and supply even the mighty Soviet empire had to o ya, I also miss mint chocolate chip ice cream almost as much as friends getting really hot these days and humid kind of hollows out your head and you start typing stuff without full-stops



Everywhere I turn to
To cast down my burden
There is a fire already burning
So I burn with a thousand fires
Do I stop looking then?
Do I sit down under the midday sun
And let the vultures and the hyenas devour me?

I do find an oasis
And drink aplenty. And am fed. And am nurtured
What then?
For indeed the desert is vast
And indeed the traveller is stubborn
Bent on crossing this terrible and ghastly wasteland

PS: Thomas Stearns anyone?



I think I might be getting my creativity back.
I have been reading.
And watching movies. Just got done with Requiem for a Dream. Ya. I live in the past. I love my arm. I love natural insanity too. None of my requiems shall have sacrifices. They shall be soft dirges. With simple chord changes.
Writing. Wrote something I didn't think was trash. Lightyears since that happened last. Nevermind the fact I wrote it in class.
Listening to Coming Back to Life in an infinite loop. Damn I don't want to turn it off even when I sleep.
Sulking. Being happy. In an infinte loop.
Packing and unpacking Evil Jenny. Again an infinite loop. Loopy days these.
So there was this amazing dusk sky yesterday. And there were trippy colours. It is all about being reminded. Like blue stripes on white. Swanky palette shoes. Beautiful un-black hair. It is also about imagining the rest. Like half clouds.
Kitchen elves!



I will not move till my mind is at peace. Till I have freed myself. Till I know.


chchchchanges ...

A new look for my blog. Sorry about all the hearts. But there's birds too. And a tree. I started and deleted a music blog today. Another sign of my current instability.
Watched a lot of movies, long pending.
Waking Life
Well. It cleared up a lot of clutter in my brain. And replaced it with ten times
The Neverending Story
Reminded me of all the lovely things we did in school. I think it was our Geography teacher who took us to the video library to watch this one. Ondrilla. That was her name, I think
Stand By Me
A lovely movie. IMDb description - 'For some, it's the last real taste of innocence, and the first real taste of life'
Kiki's Delivery Service
Another studio Ghibley production. Weird settings. Weird storyline. A very engaging film!
She's All That
The worst movie of the lot. Sappy dripping chic flick. Not recommended for people above 12. Watched it only for Rachael Leigh Cook!!
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Burton + Depp. Need I say more?
Grand Hotel
A real oldie. 1932. A script that makes you wonder whether the papers reported the writers' strike 50 years too late
The Broadway Melody
Another oldie! 1929. It had a lovely description of an artist/performer's life. Their reasons to carry on. Their reasons to stop.
I am Legend
A modern shoot 'em up zombie movie
Quitting coffee is hard. It is equal to 8 hours of sleep and 2 hours of headache per day. Both highly undesirable. All the worrying about the project is killing me. Scaring me. Making me lazier? And finally it boils down to this one question I remember from Waking Life.
Which is the most universal human characteristic - fear or laziness?


Shamsa Kanwal

When I see you a blanket of stars covers me in my bed.
-Counting Crows

I've seen new born babies, crying like a moaning dove
And old men with broken teeth stranded without love


It's really nice what you wrote

There's pieces of people. Inside other people. That is what makes lives surpass their duration. So theres future in the now.


Not nit not

Yesterday night was Hostel Night. Celebrations. Drinks. Toasts. Laughter. Tears even, they said. Strummed three tunes. They choked in their dance. The electric whimpered too. The stone was stone.
Later, the rooftop. The stars. The clouds. Tagging them with shapes. Burdening them with meaning. I am certain of my loneliness now. Any many company, any much talking can't make me not alone.
So no grief.
No desire for shapes.

I’m not your larder. I’m Alife your guarder.

Yes grief. For the no grief. I am scared of having turned ice. I don't want a frozen heart.
Warm me.

Alife my larder. I can't forsake you or forsqueak you.
- Robert Wyatt. Rockbottom.