Strange how some days loneliness corners you. That bastard. Without any warning. Drops on you, like a bomb. And there is no way past him. For he is a scream and a door and a soundproof wall. 

You talk to people. Desperate to get rid of the onlyness. But that only makes the problem worse. You remember people who abandoned you, people you abandoned. Trying to convince yourself that it is one and the same thing.

You walk into shops and browse through catalogues, searching for new things you don't need. Perhaps hoping that the cure is on sale. You are prepared to pay but no one wants your money. Or time or anything you will ever have to offer.

And then you play music. Words. People talking to you. Telling you about their life. Involving you in it. And sometimes you are quelled. And sometimes you are not.

Finally, you give in. You resign yourself to his command. While he slowly claws at your heart and gnaws on your soul. Eating you alive. Dissolving you. Into yourself.

Till you have no features. No form no presence. Only a hazy past. Till you are reduced to a strange throbbing mass of arteries and memories. Aware of the vast empty space that surrounds you. Filled with echoes of past voices and your own sorry beating. 

And all you wish for is the night when you can bury yourself. In the hope that he will be gone tomorrow.

No comments:

Post a Comment